i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
