My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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