Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
