i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just google imaged poop.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
