I want to walk on stilts...naked
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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