Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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