was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Randomize
