I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
