My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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