I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
