Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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