I CAN MOONWALK!
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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