wakey wakey hands off snakey
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
