so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
