He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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