just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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