Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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