Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
