how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
