Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
