I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just had sex on a roof
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
