you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
