I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
