the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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