do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
