He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
They have beer where we have blood.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
