Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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