I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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