I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
