I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
When are your genitals available?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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