take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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