He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Is it because I queefed?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
