My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
