I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
