you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
