My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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