onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
