im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
