Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
