I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Randomize
