I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
