Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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