I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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