Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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