Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
