Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
