dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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