i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
