and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
