I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
