sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
