Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
