he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
