So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
