There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
