I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
