It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
